Single on Valentine’s Day? Well, Here’s 3 things you can do!
– Go to Dinner with your other single friends, sit in a red balloon filled room, be surrounded by couples holding hands and cooing into each others ears, be forced to order from the special ‘Valentine’s Day’ Menu where everything comes shaped like a heart and end up drinking one too many of those red cocktails while bitterly staring and cursing at all the love around you.
– Go Speed Dating! ‘Hi, Here is a list of everything I have ever done in my whole life, all mushed up in 60 seconds’ ‘Hi, I would love for you to meet my strange yet lovable pets. yup, all 15 of them.’ ‘Hi, **crickets**’. ‘Hi, I uh, live in my mom’s basement and uh,’. Enough said.
– Stay Home with a tub of icecream / a large packet of Chips and watch whatever is on TV. Pfft. Who needs dates? It’s just any other day anyway. Psshaw, this is just another scam to commericalize everything and force people to buy unnecessary things. I’ll just sit here and do nothing today because I am better than all those people contributing to capitalism. VALENTINE’S DAY IS STUPID.
OR.
You could help support underprevileged people all over the world AND possibly find love all at the same time. Sounds a lot better than the other options huh? Yeah, we know.
On Valentine’s Day, throw on a plaid shirt and take a stroll along the aisles of the closest Whole Foods. Your checkered garment (and keen fashion sense) will signal to “those in the know” that you are single and shopping for a date. And if you don’t own plaid, worry not! Just place a pack of Sir Richard’s Condoms in the front of your cart and that will definitely send out your sneaky single signal.
Supporting this ‘plaid takeover’ would be supporting Sir Richard’s, thus helping spread the word that when you buy one Sir Richard’s Condom, they give one away to a country who can’t afford them, but really needs them.
Plaid + Sir Richard’s Condoms = Love + Saving the world. This could be your equation.
So now you have something amazing to do on Valentine’s Day (unless of course the person with the pets interested you; yeah, we didn’t think so)